The Best Laid Plans
For the past year, my husband and our extended family have been planning a reunion in the mountains of North Carolina.
We found the perfect house to stay in. The perfect areas to explore. The perfect activities and adventures to do as a big, loud, loving group.
Last Sunday, family members flew and drove in from their parts of the country and we all basked in the joy of watching cousins play together, explore the house, and giggle with delight while playing with the newest baby.
And then... a tire blew out on one of the cars, we had a COVID diagnosis, and - I kid you not - the house was struck by lightning.
Our long-planned, long-anticipated reunion was cut short, and with it came all the questions and emotions that are so often felt in situations like these.
What could we have done differently?
How could we have prevented this?
Did we make the right decisions?
The truth is planning can be incredibly valuable, but even the best-laid plans are subject to factors beyond our control.
When you find your plans disrupted or thrown off course, here are some questions that can help you reset and make the most of a challenging situation.
What Went Well? – when our plans get disrupted, it can be easy to jump to everything that went wrong. Research shows our brains’ negativity bias makes us pay more attention to bad news, which in turn makes us perceive negative information as more important than it actually is. This bias also causes us to miss out on all of the great learnings about what went right. We can counteract this by speaking out loud or writing down what went well or where the plan worked so we can replicate or build on it in the future.
What Could We Have Done Differently? – hindsight is 20/20, but what could we have done differently with the information available at the time? Sometimes, the answer is “nothing.” Other times we may uncover important learnings about communications, systems, or approaches that would have been helpful to establish in advance. When we approach this with a mindset of curiosity and collaboration, inviting folks on our teams to share in a safe space about what could be made better, we increase the chance we’ll hear important perspectives that can help us next time.
What’s the Next Best Move? – with plans disrupted, what is the best choice right now? Sometimes, the right move is to do our best to get back to the original plan. Other times, we need to rework our plans based on new information. And, of course, there are times when we need to act swiftly, compassionately, and strategically knowing we’ll come back to longer-term plans at a later date.
Feeling disappointed, frustrated, and even heartbroken are completely reasonable reactions to our plans getting thrown off course. While the questions above can be a great help in moving forward, don’t forget to give yourself and your team some time and space to mourn or honor the loss of what you had planned. When we honor losses like these properly, we give each other the opportunity to name what is true and properly prepare for what comes next.